RigHt HeRe, RIgHt Now

while sitting at my dining room table….I have decided…it’s time for a midlife crisis!

As defined by Wikipedia ~

Midlife crisis is a term coined in 1965 by Elliott Jaques describing a time where adults come to realize their own mortality and how much time is left in their life. [1] A midlife crisis is typically experienced during the midlife transition when they realize that life may be more than halfway over. Sometimes, a crisis can be triggered by transitions experienced in these years, such as andropause or menopause, the death of parents or other causes of grief, unemployment or underemployment, realizing that a job or career is hated but not knowing how else to earn an equivalent living, or children leaving home. People may reassess their achievements as compared to their goals. The result may be a desire to make significant changes in core aspects of the individual’s day-to-day life or situation, such as in career, work-life balance, marriage, romantic relationships, large expenditures, or physical appearance.

The course that I am taking through DailyOM has really opened my head to what I am passionate about and what is my purpose. I am deeply dissatisfied with being a cube monkey, my health is less than fantastic and I haven’t been on an actual date in what seems to be 100 years. (Ya know what I mean, right? The kind in where I am picked up at my door, taken to dinner, a movie and taken home with a polite kiss on the check…hanging at your place watching TV is not date!)

So what is it going to take to get to a place of wealth, health and totally in love??

I have no fucking clue!

Do I sell everything, find an Airstream and live off the land with my cats, dog and pygmy pig named Bacon Bit??

Do I sell everything and find a smaller, more affordable place to live? Pay down my debt? Be more frugal?

Do I find another mindless, cubicle job or become a virtual assistant that allows me to keep my own hours and work from home?

Do I continue to blog?

Do I? Do I?

So many frackin questions.

I do pray about this, don’t get me wrong. I am on my knees asking for the right direction.

And there has been some tidbits of direction…the road map is just a bit foggy.

I am allowed to have this. I am not in a relationship, have kids or take care of a elderly parent who can’t take care of themselves. If I were to die tonight, my family would have to come in here and sell my things. So why am I hanging on to all of this?

Again, i have no fucking clue.

So here I am, ending my post, while pondering my goals. I am going to start by removing myself from my home this weekend, getting out for a long walk in a park somewhere, with my dog in tow, bottle of water, pen and a notebook. I am just going to let the fresh air and sunshine fill me up and just write.

Maybe, from that, I can get a grip on this nagging discontentment and get some things in motion.

Sounds like a good plan! Right?

au revoir!

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One comment

  1. Steph says:

    Honestly… Living in an airstream hooked up with WiFi to be a virtual assistant sounds like heaven to me!

    Think I’ve been going through my MidLIfe Crisis for about 10 years, but also think it’s about shedding the old ideas about ourselves – the things we ‘used to be’ – so we can clear the way for what we’re ‘supposed’ to be. Think of the catepillar struggling in the cocoon to become the butterfly.

    {{hug}}

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