A few weeks ago, Mrs. J and I went on a shopping spree through the Melrose district of Central Phoenix. You can read about our adventures here. We generally run the gamit of topics to talk about but she said something that I haven’t been able to let go. She called me a Hippie! And, my only response was…”What? But I shower!” Mrs. J is very astute. She is an very introspective writer who can sit back and give me a jolt of reality every once in a while that just floors me. And any woman who can raise five children is a hero to me.
I have been pondering this Hippie thing for a few weeks now. Webster defines Hippie as usually a young person who rejects the mores of established society (as by dressing unconventionally or favoring communal living) and advocates a nonviolent ethic. Well, ok, I would call it being quirky but I can see a bit of a hippie in me. I always see myself as restrained and conventional…does this mean that I still don’t know myself very well?? Probably!
I’d prefer the thought of being somewhat of a Bohemian. A vagabond? A Traveler? With the last seven years spent in the great community of the SCA, yeah, Bohemian fits. This society does foster a communal feel by learning the traits and talents of someone from the middle ages. But, the biggest aspect of being Bohemian is being artistic. WHOA! Hello, not artistic!! Oh wait, yes I am. I surround myself with beautiful found things, I can create a home that is both comfortable and artistic. I have a travelers soul, just not the money. I am willing to listen, give comfort and allow others to express them selves freely without judgment and fear that I will hurt them. When I am not being a crappy old biddy, people generally want to be in my sphere of light.
This pondering has me exploring some hidden fears that I have spent the last thirty plus years trying to suppress. There will always be something different about me. I am redhead! I have always felt the need to fit in but I never, ever felt at peace anywhere. Mrs. J even called me a cool kid at one time but I really never thought I was. I have struggled to fit in a square peg for as long as I can remember. So maybe this is what my midlife crisis is all about…becoming Bohemian.
This truly explains my sudden need to smoke Clove ciggies and drink lots of coffee.
Maybe this journey I thought I started toward abundance, sustainability and devotion is something else entirely. I posted to my facebook last night – How can you be a nomad if you don’t first take the journey? I hate being introspective…it is so adult!
I did not give myself a monthly challenge this November but I am thinking that these challenges need to take on a different road. It could mean making an effort to spend time with friends, taking an extension class with the city or doing a bit more traveling. This life I am leading right now, it is no way to live.