World Mental Health Day

Sadly, one of the biggest numbers in the world of chronic fatigue statistics is suicide. That is why I wanted to bring to your attention to World Mental Health Day. There is a quote that I love that basically says “Be kind, you never know what battle a person is raging”

Those with chronic illness deal with so many symptoms that often include new ones we never had before. Social Anxiety, anxiety in general, depression…you name it, we are probably dealing with it. Also, when we change our habits to meet our health needs, we begin to lose friends, family and trusted mentors. Why? Often it because the person hasn’t taken the time to really investigate and understand what you are going through. Not everyone will understand that every day you feel like you were hit by a mac truck with all the symptoms of having a flu.

We mourn the loss of who we one were, we are challenged with what we have become and how we will endure the future.

Be kind.

Pick up the phone and just say hello

Let’s us know you have our back.

World Mental Health Day

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Oh, I left ya hanging

I am a bad blogger girl. I totally started on the Spending Freeze only to take off on a Summer break. Naughty! eh…as you know, I will get there…eventually.

The first fifteen days were awesome. I was on track, bills only being paid and the occasional item from the grocery store.  Then, I had a flare.

As well all know by now, my addiction is money. I has it, I spend it.  With the triggers set off, I went cray cray. The last part of the month was a nightmare. What I learned is that my spending habits are triggered by boredom, pain, depression-like symptoms, and the “I just want to feel better” excuse.

In order to prepare myself for another round of this in March, I have to start dealing with these triggers now. So with a bit of research on the interwebs, I found an article on keeping a food mood tracker. (and I lost the source). The author suggested to add four labels for the degrees of eating…(n) for normal, (f) something fun, special occasion, (m) for mindless eating and (b) for a binge.

Princess Fergie (one of my fave peeps btw), once said, while being a brand ambassador for a weight loss company, that “once you get your weight in proper perspective, money then follows right behind it” (very, very, very loosely translated). This simple lettering system can help me with not only my food journal but my spending as well.

Beginning October 1st, I will have a separate passport sized expense tracker just for this newest challenge I have for myself.

What has worked for you to keep your spending in check?

Finance Tracking

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Words & Images

I have mentioned before that there are many stories and pictures that inspire me or I can relate to in some ways as a person with chronic illness. These images I can not provide due to copyright, so I’ll give you an A to Zed list of words, or books, heroines and the such. You can also check out my Pinterest board that contain a whole lot of the following…

A – Alice in Wonderland

B – birdcages

C – comfy

D – drugs (medicinal ones)

E – energy (I has none)

F – fat

G – (Oscar) The Grouch

H – Honey Badger

I  – I miss the person I used to Be

J – Jealous

K – Kindred Spirits

L – Laughter is medicine

M – (Bad) Medicine – Bon Jovi

N – Nightime, is the worse time

O – One Spoon at A Time

P – Princess and the Pea

Q – Won’t Quit, Can’t Quit

R – Rest

S – Self Care

T – Turtle paced life

U – Spoonies Unite!

V – Venting

W – Weekends spent in jammies

X – (srsly can’t find anything to relate to X)

Y – Y indeed!

Z – I need more ZZZZzzzzzZZzzz’s

Invisble Illness Week 2016

*made by picmonkey

Thirty Things About My Illness

Thirty things about my invisible illness you may not know

1. The illness I live with is: Chronic Fatigue Syndrome & Fibromyalgia
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2012
3. But I had symptoms since: 2010-2011ish
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: slowing down
5. Most people assume: I am being anti-social
6. The hardest part about mornings are: Not feeling rested
7. My favorite medical TV show is: Blacklist, NCIS
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: iPhone
9. The hardest part about nights are: falling asleep, I toss and turn for hours
10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please) 21 <–> 4
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: used acupuncture and massage therapy
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: neither
13. Regarding working and career: I am looking into work from home employment
14. People would be surprised to know: I quit antidepressants cold turkey
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: the limitations
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: speak up for myself
17. The commercials about my illness: are stupid, the pain never goes away
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: running
19. It was really hard to have to give up: being busy, all the time
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Planners of all sorts
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: probably sleep
22. My illness has taught me: to enjoy the small things
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: you and your hangups
24. But I love it when people: You have done enough, it’s ok to rest
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: I’ll Get There, Eventually
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: I am here if you need to talk
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: adjusting to change
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: cleaned my house
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: it’s part of my life and I wanted to share my story
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: understood & accepted

Invisble Illness Week 2016

*made with picmonkey

An Open Letter To My Friends

Welcome back! Did you get a chance to review the topics and discussions over at the Invisible Illness Week Facebook? I hope you did.

Since 2012 I’ve received confirmation from “experts” of myalgic encephalomyelitis (chronic fatigue syndrome – CFS/ME) and fibromyalgia. It’s a double whammy – and I’m not even going into the various sub symptoms that each of these diagnosis brings to my life.

Four years ago, as a fledgling spoonie, I read a great book by Claudia Craig Marek called The First Year: Fibromyalgia. It had a passage in it that she encouraged her readers to share with their family and friends. So once again, with bits of updates, here is my open letter to my friends…

Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome isn’t all in my head, and it isn’t contagious. It doesn’t turn into anything serious and nobody ever died from fibromyalgia/CFS (though they might have wished they could on really awful days!!)  If you want to read articles or books about fibromyalgia/CFS I can show you some that I think are good. If you just want to learn as we go along, that’s fine too. This is definitely going to be a process. The first step is for you to believe that there is an illness called fibromyalgia & chronic fatigue syndrome and that I have it. This may sound simple, but when you hear about my symptoms I don’t want you to think I’m making this all up as I go along.

These are high maintenance conditions with lots and lots of different kinds of symptoms. There’s no way to just take a pill to make it go away, even for a little while. Sometimes a certain medication can make some of my symptoms more bearable. That’s about the best I can hope for. Other times I may take a lot of medication and still won’t feel any better. That’s just the way it goes. I can’t control how often I feel good or when I’m going to feel terrible. Lots of people have been cutting new drugs advertisements out of magazines for me and I appreciate the thought, but I’ve seen them too.  Look at the list of side effects and the few symptoms they help in return.  Even in the best studies those expensive compounds didn’t help over half the people who tried them.  No matter how happy the people in the pictures look, there’s still no miracle drug available.

There’s no cure for me and it won’t go away. If I am functioning normally, I am having a good day. This doesn’t mean I’m getting better — I suffer from chronic pain and fatigue for which there is no cure. I can have good days, several good weeks or even months. But a good morning can suddenly turn into a terrible afternoon. I get a feeling like someone has pulled out a plug and all my energy has just run out of my body. I might get more irritable before these flares, and suddenly get more sensitive to noise or just collapse from deadening fatigue. Weather changes can have a big effect on how I feel.  Other times there may be no warning, I may just suddenly feel awful. I can’t warn you when this is likely to happen because there isn’t any way for me to know. Sometimes this is a real spoiler and I’m sorry. The sadness I feel for what my illness does to those around me is more than I can easily describe.  You may remember me as a light-hearted fun loving person — and it hurts me that I am no longer what I was.

Fibromyalgics & CFS have a different kinds of pain that is hard to treat. It is not caused by inflammation like an injury. It is not a constant ache in one place like a broken bone. It moves around my body daily and hourly and changes in severity and type. Sometimes it is dull and sometimes it is cramping or prickly. Sometimes it’s jabbing and excruciating. If Eskimos have a hundred words for snow, I have few colorful words I used to describe my  for pain. Sometimes I just hurt all over like I’ve been beaten up or run over by a truck.  Sometimes I feel too tired to lift up my arm.

Besides pain, I have muscle stiffness which is worse in the morning and evenings. Sometimes when I get up out of a chair I feel like I am ninety years old. I may have to ask you to help me up. I’m creaky and I’m klutzy. I trip over things no one can see, and I bump into the person I am walking with and I drop things and spill things because my fingers are stiff and my coordination is off. I just don’t seem to connect the way I should. Hand-eye, foot-eye coordination, it’s all off. I walk slowly up and down stairs because I’m stiff and I’m afraid I might fall. When there’s no railing to hold on to, it’s terrifying.

Because I feel bad most of the time, I am always pushing myself, and sometimes I just push myself too hard. When I do this, I pay the price. Sometimes I can summon the strength to do something special but I will usually have to rest for a few days afterwards because my body can only make so much energy. I pay a big price for overdoing it, but sometimes I have to. I know it’s hard for you to understand why I can do one thing and not another. It’s important for you to believe me, and trust me about this. My limitations, like my pain and my other symptoms are invisible, but they are real.

Another symptom I have is problems with memory and concentration which is called fibrofog. Short-term memory is the worst! I am constantly looking for things. I have no idea where I put down my purse, and I walk into rooms and have no idea why. Casualties are my keys which are always lost, my list of errands, which I write and leave on the counter when I go out. Even if I put notes around to remind myself of important things, I’m still liable to forget them. Don’t worry, this is normal for fibromyalgics. Most of us are frightened that we are getting Alzheimer’s. New kinds of brain scans have actually documented differences in our brains.

I mentioned my sensitivities earlier and I need to talk about them again. It’s more like an intolerance to everything. Noise, especially certain noises like the television or shrill noises can make me jittery and anxious. Smells like fish or some chemicals, or fragrances or perfume can give me headaches and nausea. I also have a problem with heat and cold. It sounds like I’m never happy but that isn’t it. These things make me physically ill. They stress me out and make my pain worse and I get exhausted. Sometimes I just need to get away from something, I just don’t know how else to say it. I know sometimes this means I will have to go outside, or out to the car, or go home to sit alone and that’s really all right. I don’t want or need you to give up doing what’s important to you. That would only make me feel worse.  Sometimes when I feel lousy, I just want to be by myself. When I’m like this there’s nothing you can do to make me feel better, so it’s just better to let me be.

I have problems sleeping. Sometimes I get really restless and wake up and can’t get back to sleep. Other times I fall into bed and sleep for fourteen hours and still be tired. Some nights I’ll toss and turn and not be able to sleep at all. Every little thing will keep me awake.  I’m sure that’s confusing to be around, and I know there are times when my tossing and turning and getting up and down to go to the bathroom disturbs you. We can talk about solutions to this.

All these symptoms and the chemical changes in my brain from pain and fatigue can make me depressed as you’d imagine. I get angry and frustrated and I have mood swings. Sometimes I know I’m being unreasonable but I can’t admit it. Sometimes I just want to pull the covers over my head and stay in bed. These emotions are all very strong and powerful. I know this is a very hard thing about being with me. Every time you put up with me when I’m in one of my moods, secretly I’m grateful. I can’t always admit it at the time, but I’m admitting it now. One thing I can tell you is it won’t help to tell me I’m irrational.  I know I am, but I can’t help it when it’s happening.

Some of these symptoms are embarrassing and hard to talk about but I promise to try. I hope that you will have the patience to see me through these things. It’s very hard for me too because I love you and I want to spend time with you, and it makes everything worse when you are upset and tired of dealing with all my problems. I have made a promise to myself and now I am making it to you: I will set aside time for us. During that time we will not talk about my illness. We both need time to get away from its demands. Though I may not always show it I love you a million times more for standing by me. Having to slow down physically and having to get rid of unnecessary stresses will make our friendship stronger.

Invisble Illness Week 2016

*made with picmonkey